Ever been told your dog is trying to be the alpha dog just because they jumped on the couch or ran through the door first?
That came straight from dominance theory—and in this episode, we’re breaking down it doesn’t hold up.
I’m explaining how dominance theory in dogs and the alpha dog myth became so popular, why it was wrong from the start, and how it’s still showing up in today’s dog training myths. We’re taking a hard look at what it really means when your dog jumps, growls, or steals your socks—and trust me, it’s not alpha dog behavior.
This episode is packed with practical, positive strategies that help you ditch outdated dominance theory in dogs and build the relationship you actually want with your pup. Because let’s face it—the alpha dog mindset is holding us back.
In this episode, I’ll cover:
- Where dominance theory in dogs really came from—and why the science doesn’t back it up anymore
- Why your dog’s behaviors aren’t about alpha dog behavior, and what they’re really trying to communicate
- Seven common myths fueled by dominance theory, including doorways, mealtime, and who’s allowed on the furniture
- What actually works to raise a confident, well-behaved puppy—without needing to be the alpha dog
- Why dominance theory debunked isn’t just about dog training—it’s about trust, connection, and better communication
If you’re ready to move beyond outdated advice and discover training that builds trust—not fear—this episode is for you.
Listen now to hear why dominance theory doesn’t work, and what to do instead.
If this episode challenged something you’ve heard before or if you’ve tried one of these old-school dominance theory rules, I wanna hear from you.
What’s a piece of advice you were told about dominance that you’ve since ditched? Head over to Instagram @mannersformutts and let me know!
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Connect with Staci Lemke:
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
[00:00:00] Staci Lemke: At one time or another, you may have heard advice like, don’t let your puppy go through doors ahead of you, or make sure you eat before your puppy, or don’t allow your puppy to sleep in bed with you. These rules. As such, were based on the idea that dogs are constantly trying to assert power and authority over their humans, and that daily interactions from meals to doorways to cuddles were a test of who’s in charge.
[00:00:26] Staci Lemke: This belief was that if you didn’t establish yourself as the alpha your dog would take over. This led to a whole generation of trainers and owners focusing on control and status instead of connection and communication. These ideas were built on a misunderstanding, a myth, and the very researcher who helped spread these ideas later admitted they were wrong.
[00:00:50] Staci Lemke: And since this myth has been debunked, why are we still training our dogs like they’re trying to take over the world? Welcome to The Well-Mannered Mutt Podcast, the show that helps you raise a puppy that fits beautifully into your family and lifestyle. Today we’re diving into a big one dominance Theory.
[00:01:09] Staci Lemke: We’re busting seven dominance based training myths that are quietly sabotaging your relationship with your puppy, and I’m giving you science-backed alternatives. That actually work. Welcome to the Well-Mannered Mutt Podcast. I’m Staci Lemke, certified professional dog trainer, registered veterinary technician, and proud owner of Manners for Mutts Dog Training.
[00:01:33] Staci Lemke: With over 20 years of experience, I’ve helped countless dog owners just like you build stronger, happier relationships with their furry friends. From private lessons to online courses, I’m here to help make life with your dog easier and more rewarding. I believe in training that is kind, fun, and scientifically proven.
[00:01:54] Staci Lemke: Positive reinforcement is at the core of everything I do because it’s the most effective way to teach your dog while strengthening your bond. Whether you’re tackling basic training, solving behavior challenges, or just looking for tips to keep your pup thriving. You are in the right place. So let’s dive into today’s episode and take the first step toward having the well-mannered mutt you’ve always dreamed of.
[00:02:18] Staci Lemke: First, let’s look at where dominance theory began in the mid 20th century. Researcher Rudolph Schenkel, an animal behaviorist during the 1940s observed wolves in captivity, specifically unrelated wolves, forced to live together in enclosures. These wolves were studied in artificial high stress environments that didn’t reflect natural family groupings or behavior.
[00:02:43] Staci Lemke: This led him to conclude that wolf social structure was based on dominance hierarchies, where individuals constantly competed for status and alpha wolves maintained control through force or intimidation. Years later in the 1970s, wildlife biologist, Dr. David Meck, published a book titled The Wolf Ecology and Behavior of an Endangered Species.
[00:03:09] Staci Lemke: And he based much of the content including the idea of alpha wolves on the best available science at the time, which primarily came from shekels research. These ideas bled over into dog training and caught fire. Dog trainers and pet parents ran with it, interpreting dog behavior through a lens of dominance terms like pack leader alpha dog, and showing whose boss became household phrases.
[00:03:36] Staci Lemke: But here’s the twist. The whole thing was wrong. Here’s why. The captive wolves weren’t family. They were unrelated adult animals placed in a small space with limited resources. Think stressful prison yard. Of course, there were fights. They showed more aggression and power struggles because they were under pressure, not because that’s how wolves normally lived.
[00:04:02] Staci Lemke: In the wild wolf packs are family units, parents, which are the breeding pair and their offspring. There is little to no need for dominance battles in a natural pack because roles are based on cooperation, not conquest. The alpha is just mom or dad. There’s no fighting for control because everyone in the pack has a role.
[00:04:25] Staci Lemke: By the 1990s, David Meck himself disavowed the Alpha Wolf idea. He publicly stated that his earlier conclusions were incorrect and asked publishers to stop printing his original book, which they didn’t do in a video released in 2008. Mech said, and I’m quoting here, the concept of the Alpha Wolf is based on a misunderstanding.
[00:04:48] Staci Lemke: It describes a behavior that is not seen in nature. MES Amendment help inspire the rise of science-based positive reinforcement training, a movement that views dogs as learners, not opponents. It helped validate what behaviorists and reward-based trainers were already discovering. Dogs thrive when taught with kindness, consistency, and respect.
[00:05:11] Staci Lemke: We also realized that dogs are not wolves. They’re domesticated animals. They’ve been evolving alongside humans for at least 15,000 years, and even if they were wolves, we now know that natural wolf behavior doesn’t support the dominance narrative anyway. So let’s dig into the seven most common dog training myths that stem from Dominance theory and how to replace them with clear, compassionate science-based training.
[00:05:38] Staci Lemke: Myth number one, your puppy is trying to be alpha. This myth is one of the most persistent and damaging ideas in dog training when your puppy growls over a toy. Jumps up on guests, grabs the remote or barks at you when you’re not paying attention to them. It can look like they’re challenging your authority, and if you’ve heard phrases like you need to show them whose boss or they’re testing your leadership, it’s easy to fall into the dominance trap.
[00:06:05] Staci Lemke: The underlying belief is that dogs are constantly jockeying for position in a social hierarchy. One misstep on your part and your puppy will be running the household. Well, guess what? Puppies aren’t political masterminds. They’re not angling for control. They’re curious learning creatures who are trying to figure out the world, how it works and how to get what they want and need.
[00:06:27] Staci Lemke: Jumping, stealing, barking, and even growling are not power moves their behaviors that get a result. Jumping gets them closer to your face and may earn them attention barking gets you to pay attention to them. Stealing socks turns into a fun game of chase. Me. Growling might get them space when they feel overwhelmed.
[00:06:48] Staci Lemke: None of these behaviors means your puppy thinks they’re the leader of the pack. It just means that the behavior worked in some way and what works gets repeated. In fact, labeling your puppy’s behavior as dominant often leads to harsh corrections, fear-based training, or unnecessary control, and that damages trust.
[00:07:09] Staci Lemke: So what do we do instead? Instead of asking, is this dominance? Let’s ask, what is my puppy trying to communicate? What’s reinforcing this behavior and what skill or need is missing? Meet their needs. First, make sure your puppy has plenty of mental stimulation, such as enrichment, sniffing and training games, physical exercise, predictable routines, and positive social interactions.
[00:07:36] Staci Lemke: Teach your puppy what you want to see. Reinforce desirable behaviors instead of waiting for the wrong ones to happen and then punishing them. Reward sitting instead of jumping. Trade socks for toys instead of yelling and chasing and respond to barking with calm, redirection. Build trust, not tension.
[00:07:55] Staci Lemke: Training isn’t a battle, it’s a conversation. Puppies thrive when we guide, not dominate the bottom line. Your puppy isn’t trying to be the boss. They’re trying to make sense of a human world full of rules that they don’t yet understand. Focus less on control and more in communication, and you get the relationship with your puppy that you really want.
[00:08:15] Staci Lemke: Myth number two, always go through doorways first, and this idea comes straight from the dominance based mindset. If you let your dog go ahead of you, especially through doors, they’ll think they’re in charge. It’s rooted in the outdated belief that dogs are constantly trying to climb the social ladder and then allowing them to lead physically gives them psychological power over you.
[00:08:38] Staci Lemke: It’s often taught as a hard and fast rule. You eat first. You step through the door first. You go up the stairs first. The thinking is, if I don’t assert myself in everyday moments, my puppy will walk all over me. But let’s be honest, your puppy isn’t planning a takeover. They’re not thinking, ah, yes, I’ve conquered the hallway.
[00:08:58] Staci Lemke: My rain begins now. What’s really happening? Excitement and curiosity. Doors lead to amazing things. Walks, yard time visitors, new spells. Of course, they wanna rush out. There’s no science showing that who exits the door first determines social rank or affects your puppy’s respect for you. What’s far more important is whether your puppy can stay connected and responsive to you regardless of who steps where doorways aren’t dominance tests their training opportunities.
[00:09:30] Staci Lemke: Replace outdated rules with skills that actually matter. Impulse control, focus and trust. Teach door manners such as waiting at doors to be invited to go through for safety and focus. Not dominance. And why does this matter? Well, rushing through doors can lead to unsafe situations darting into the street, knocking into someone, or slipping a leash.
[00:09:51] Staci Lemke: Teaching your puppy to pause and wait gives you a moment to assess the environment, make sure it’s safe, and reinforce calm. Self-control is your cute and cuddly puppy suddenly misbehaving that same puppy that wanted nothing more than to be with you 24 7. Now it doesn’t even seem to know that you exist.
[00:10:11] Staci Lemke: Your dog is not a puppy anymore, he’s now an adolescent. If you’re missing out on the true joy of sharing your life with a dog because of your puppy’s new naughty behaviors, then check out my online course Surviving Your Dog’s Adolescence. This course will help you understand the changes your dog is going through, and will give you a simple step-by-step training strategy.
[00:10:34] Staci Lemke: You’ll get all the tools you need to eliminate unwanted behaviors and create the well-mannered dog of your dreams. Simply go to manners for mutts.com/adolescence to sign up today.
[00:10:50] Staci Lemke: Myth number three, eat before your dog. And this myth traces back to old, misunderstood interpretations of wolf behavior. The story goes like this in a wolf pack. The Alpha eats first and the subordinates wait their turn. So to assert your dominance at home, you should eat before your dog, maybe even make a big show of it because it allegedly reinforces your top dog status.
[00:11:16] Staci Lemke: Books and TV shows from the dominance era of training help to spread this idea. The results people delaying, mealtime, or pretending to eat out of their dog’s bowl To prove leadership, let’s clear something up. Your dog isn’t analyzing your mealtime routine to determine where they stand in the mythical hierarchy.
[00:11:34] Staci Lemke: In fact, modern research, including studies of free living dog groups, and wolves, show that wolves don’t operate in a rigid outfit. Eats first structure. Mealtime can vary based on age, need, and context. Use mealtime to teach focus, patience, and polite behavior, not false hierarchies. Create a predictable feeding routine.
[00:11:57] Staci Lemke: After all, dogs thrive on consistency. Feeding them around the same time each day gives them a sense of safety and rhythm. Make meals a training moment. Ask your puppy to sit before placing the bull down. Wait for eye contact or a moment of stillness. Use a calm release word, like, okay, to let them know that it’s okay to eat.
[00:12:15] Staci Lemke: Now, a simple routine teaches your puppy how to regulate their excitement and builds your communication skills together. Use food for enrichment. Consider scatter feeding puzzle bowls or training games that make meals mentally stimulating. That teaches problem solving, not power dynamics. I. The bottom line, eating before your puppy isn’t leadership.
[00:12:36] Staci Lemke: It’s a leftover myth. You don’t need to win dinner to earn respect. Focus on what truly matters. Using routines like mealtime to create connection, calm, and cooperation. Myth number four, ignore your puppy when you come home to avoid separation issues. This advice became popular in an effort to prevent separation anxiety.
[00:12:58] Staci Lemke: The idea is if you make a big deal about leaving or coming home, your puppy will become hyper attached and emotionally dependent on you. So to neutralize the experience, some trainers or books recommend completely ignoring your puppy. No eye contact, no talking, no affection. When you walk through the door, it all sounds logical on the surface.
[00:13:18] Staci Lemke: After all, if you don’t fuel the excitement, the excitement should fade. Right. Well, here’s the problem. Your puppy isn’t a robot. They’re a deeply social animal, and you are the center of their universe. When you vanish for hours and suddenly return, your puppy isn’t thinking about psychological tricks.
[00:13:36] Staci Lemke: They’re thinking, yes, your home. I’m so happy I missed you. Ignoring your puppy completely can feel cold and confusing. For some dogs, it doesn’t reduce anxiety, it increases it. You disappear, come back and act like they don’t even exist. That can shake their sense of security, especially during their critical developmental stages when attachment and social bonding matters most.
[00:14:00] Staci Lemke: Plus, this cold shoulder approach misses a training opportunity. You don’t need to shut down affection to create calm. You need to guide behavior. Keep your entrance neutral but not silent. Don’t barge in and squeal with excitement, but don’t ghost your puppy either. Come in, place your keys down, place your bag down, move through the space calmly.
[00:14:21] Staci Lemke: Prioritize a potty break. Your puppy has likely been holding it head straight outside with them calmly without amping ’em up. This routine tells your puppy what comes next and avoids accidents from excitement. Then greet them after they settle. Once they’ve had a moment to potty and decompress, you can absolutely connect.
[00:14:40] Staci Lemke: If they’re jumping or whining, wait a minute for all four paws to be on the floor or ask for a sit, then offer calm praise, or a scratch under the chin. You’re not ignoring them. You’re reinforcing calm behavior. Be consistent. If you model this every time you come home, your puppy will start to associate your return with a predictable, calm sequence, not chaos or confusion.
[00:15:02] Staci Lemke: Bonus tip, if your puppy struggles with separation, the solution isn’t about your return. It’s about the departure and everything that happens in between. Help your puppy build independence with gradual alone time training, enrichment, and confidence building gains. Bottom line, you don’t need to act like a cold stranger to prevent separation anxiety.
[00:15:24] Staci Lemke: Just skip the dramatic greetings and teach your puppy what calm connection looks like. Leadership is in silence. It’s clarity and kindness. Myth number five, say no to correct bad behavior. Saying no feels natural. It’s instinctive. Something we’ve all used with children, pets, and even ourselves in moments of frustration.
[00:15:45] Staci Lemke: It’s short, sharp, and immediate. People believe it communicates disapproval clearly and stops the behavior right away. And sometimes in the moment it does interrupt the puppy, so it feels like it’s working. But here’s the problem. Interruption is not the same as instruction. To your puppy, no, is just a noise, especially if it’s used all the time for everything from barking to chewing, to jumping to sniffing the trash.
[00:16:12] Staci Lemke: It’s vague, emotional, and lax. Meaning, unless it’s been specifically taught such as teaching your puppy that no means, please stop what you’re doing so that you can redirect them into an appropriate behavior. Used repeatedly. It can become background noise and easy to ignore. It can become a trigger for fear or confusion, especially if it’s paired with frustration or yelling, and it can damage the trust between your and or puppy, especially if your corrections feel unpredictable or scary.
[00:16:41] Staci Lemke: Even if it stops your puppy temporarily, it doesn’t teach them what to do instead. And that’s the real goal of training. Replace no with teachable cues. Use specific actionable instructions. Drop it for items in their mouth. Leave it for things you don’t want them to interact with off for jumping or climbing.
[00:17:01] Staci Lemke: Go to your mat to redirect their energy. These are skills that you can practice and reinforce, so your puppy learns what earns rewards, not just what triggers a scolding. Instead, interrupt and redirect. It’s okay to interrupt the behavior, but always follow it with a redirection to a better option.
[00:17:20] Staci Lemke: Chewing the table leg. Redirect to a chew toy, barking at the window. Redirect to a quiet game on the mat. Jumping on guests. Teach a sit for attention instead. Change the environment. If your puppy keeps getting into trouble, it’s not a moral failing. It’s a setup issue. Puppy proof your space and use management tools like baby gates, exercise pins and tethers to prevent unwanted behaviors before they start.
[00:17:47] Staci Lemke: Reinforce what you like and often catch your puppy being good praise and reward for calmly lying down, for looking at you, for walking past distraction. That’s how you grow behaviors you wanna see more of? The bottom line saying no, might feel powerful, but it doesn’t teach anything. Great training is about showing your puppy what to do, not just punishing for what not to do.
[00:18:11] Staci Lemke: Be a teacher, not a traffic cop. The result, A puppy who understands and trusts you. Myth number six. Don’t let your puppy on the furniture. This myth stems from the old belief that status is tied to physical height that dogs who sleep on your bed or lounge on the couch are trying to rise above you. In the pack hierarchy, people are taught that allowing a dog onto the furniture is a slippery slope toward losing control or respect.
[00:18:38] Staci Lemke: It was framed as a symbolic power play if they’re on your level. Or above you, they’ll think they’re the boss. Well, here’s the truth. Your puppy doesn’t care about power dynamics. They care about comfort, security, and proximity to you. If your couch is soft, warm, and smells like their favorite human, of course they wanna be there.
[00:18:58] Staci Lemke: It has nothing to do with trying to overthrow your leadership. Modern animal behavior. Research shows that dogs aren’t trying to climb a social ladder through pillows and cushions. Height doesn’t equal status, especially in a species that naturally seeks closeness and warmth from social companions.
[00:19:17] Staci Lemke: After all, most puppies really just wanna snuggle. In fact, being allowed on the couch or bed can strengthen the human animal bond. As long as it’s something you’re okay with. Decide that based on personal preference. If you like snuggling with your puppy on the couch, go for it. It’s a bonding opportunity.
[00:19:34] Staci Lemke: If you’d prefer they stay off the furniture to keep things clean or maintain boundaries, that’s okay too. But make your decision based on comfort and lifestyle. Not because you think it’s a power struggle. You can teach cues like up and off. This gives your puppy structure and clarity. They learn that access is earned and invited, not something to take for granted.
[00:19:55] Staci Lemke: If they jump up uninvited, gently cue off. Then reward them for staying on a dog bed or a designated space. Stay consistent. Mixed messages, confused puppies. If the rule is no couch, that should be consistent across all family members in times of day. If the rule is you can come up when invited, teach that clearly, clarity equals comfort.
[00:20:19] Staci Lemke: Know that access doesn’t equal attitude. Some of the best behaved, most respectful dogs in the world sleep on their owner’s beds and stretch out on the couch. The difference lies in training, communication, and boundaries, not elevation. The bottom line, letting your puppy on the furniture isn’t a leadership failure.
[00:20:38] Staci Lemke: It’s a personal choice. What matters is teaching them how to respond to your cues and respecting household rules, not worrying about a mythical status game. Comfort isn’t dominance. It’s just good taste. And myth number seven, don’t allow your dog to sniff on walks. Some dog trainers frame sniffing as a distraction, something that prevents your dog from focusing on you.
[00:21:02] Staci Lemke: Others think it’s about control, that if your dog is deciding when and where to sniff, they must be in charge of the walk. So people pull their dogs away from every bush tree and fire hydrant in an effort to stay in control. But that mindset ignores a basic truth. Dogs experience the world through their noses to a dog.
[00:21:23] Staci Lemke: Sniffing isn’t just a quirky habit. It’s a biological and emotional necessity. Here’s why it matters. Sniffing is information gathering. Every tree pole and patch of grass is like a social media feed for your dog. They’re reading the p learning who’s been there, how recently, what mood they were in, and more.
[00:21:41] Staci Lemke: It’s how dogs process their world. Sniffing is enriching. Mental stimulation is just as important as physical exercise. A 10 minute safari, which is a slow walk focused on sniffing, can be more satisfying than a 30 minute power walk with no freedom. I. It reduces stress, satisfies curiosity, and helps dogs feel fulfilled.
[00:22:03] Staci Lemke: Sniffing is self-regulation. Dogs who get to sniff more are more likely to stay calm, focus, and connected on the rest of the walk. Denying it can increase frustration pulling or reactivity, especially in high energy or anxious dogs. So no. Letting your dog sniff doesn’t make them dominant. It makes them well adjusted.
[00:22:24] Staci Lemke: Make sniffing part of your plan. Build sniff breaks into your walks. Choose areas that are safe with low distractions and let your dog linger. This gives them a chance to decompress, explore and reset. Use cues to create structure. You can absolutely teach your dog when it’s time to sniff and when it’s time to move along.
[00:22:44] Staci Lemke: Try cues like Go sniff, which means obviously free time for sniffing, and let’s go, which is walking with focus. This gives you both freedom and communication. Your dog learns to follow your lead while still getting their needs met. Ditch the control mindset. A good walk isn’t about control, it’s about cooperation.
[00:23:04] Staci Lemke: You don’t have to be the drill sergeant. Instead, you can be the tour guide. The bottom line walks aren’t just potty breaks or leash training time. They’re a window into your dog’s emotional world. Sniffing is how they check the news, calm their mind, and experience joy. When we say no sniffing, we’re saying, no curiosity, no exploration, no decompression.
[00:23:27] Staci Lemke: So let them sniff. Let them be a dog. You’ll have a better companion and a better walk. So let’s leave the alpha myth where it belongs in the history books. You don’t need to act like a Wolf Pack leader to raise a well-behaved confident puppy. You need to be a teacher, a guide, and yes, even a cheerleader sometimes.
[00:23:47] Staci Lemke: If this episode challenged something you’ve heard before or if you’ve tried one of these old school dominance rules, I wanna hear from you. What’s a piece of advice you were told about dominance that you’ve since ditched. Head over to Instagram at @mannersformutts and let me know. Until then, remember, your puppy isn’t trying to dominate you.
[00:24:08] Staci Lemke: Be the boss or take over the world. They’re trying to connect with you, so let’s try to do the same with them. Thank you for joining me today and taking the time to help your dog become a more well-mannered mutt. If you’ve got questions about today’s episode or an idea for a topic you’d love to hear about, let’s connect.
[00:24:27] Staci Lemke: You can find me on Facebook and Instagram at Manners for Mutts. Also, be sure to visit manners for mutts.com for links, resources, and more. If this episode helped you and your pup, I’d be thrilled if you left a review on Apple Podcasts. Your feedback helps me create even more content to support you and your furry friend.
[00:24:49] Staci Lemke: Talk to you next time.
